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inning of individual existence； the skirmish where one gained one's spurs； from which one set out on the true quests of life。
She outshone by far all the girls of her age； but she knew that； in that little world within a world which she inhabited； there were certain grave disabilities from which she suffered。 On the sofas against the wall where the old people counted up the points； there were things against her。 There was the scandal of her father； that slight； inherited stain upon her brightness that seemed deepened by something in her own way of life … waywardness and wilfulness； a less disciplined habit than most of her contemporaries； but for that； who knows？。。。
One subject eclipsed all others in importance for the ladies along the wall； who would the young princes marry？ They could not hope for purer lineage or a more gracious presence than Julia's； but there was this faint shadow on her that unfitted her for the highest honours； there was also her religion。
Nothing could have been further from Julia's ambitions than a royal marriage。 She knew； or thought she knew； what she wanted and it was not that。 But wherever she turned； it seemed； her religion stood as a barrier between her and her natural goal。
As it seemed to her； the thing was a dead loss。 If she apostatized now； having been brought up in the Church； she would go to hell； while the Protestant girls of her acquaintance； schooled in happy ignorance； could marry eldest sons； live at peace with their world； and get to heaven before her。 There could be no eldest son for her； and younger sons were indelicate things； necessary； but not to be much spoken of。 Younger sons had none of the privileges of obscurity； it was their plain duty to remain hidden until some disaster perchance promoted them to their brother's places； and； since this was their function； it was desirable that they should keep themselves wholly suitable for succession。 Perhaps in a family of three or four boys； a Catholic might get the youngest without opposition。 There were of course the Catholics themselves； but these came seldom into the little world Julia had made for herself； those who did were her mother's kinsmen； who； to her； seemed grim and eccentric。 Of the dozen or so rich and noble Catholic families； none at that time had an heir of the right age。 Foreigners … there were many among her mother's family … were tricky about money； odd in their ways； and a sure mark of failure in the English girl who wed them。 What was there left？
This was Julia's problem after her weeks of triumph in London。 She knew it was not insurmountable。 There must； she thought； be a number of people outside her own world who were well qualified to be drawn into it； the shame was that she must seek them。 Not for her the cruel； delicate luxury of choice； the indolent； cat…and…mouse pastimes of the hearth…rug。 No Penelope she； she must hunt in the forest。
She had made a preposterous little picture of the kind of man who would do： he was an English diplomat of great but not very virile beauty； now abroad； with a house smaller than Brideshead； nearer to London； he was old； thirty…two or …three； and had been recently and tragically widowed； Julia thought she would prefer a man a little subdued by earlier grief。 He had a great career before him but had grown listless in his loneliness； she was not sure he was not in danger of falling into the hands of an unscrupulous foreign adventuress； he needed a new infusion of young life to carry him to the Embassy at Paris。 While professing a mild agnosticism himself he had a liking for the shows of religion and was perfectly agreeable to having his children brought up Catholic； he believed； however in the prudent restriction of his family to two boys and a girl； fortably； spaced over twelve years； and did not demand； as a Catholic husband might； yearly pregnancies。 He had twelve thousand a year above his pay； and no near relations。 Someone like that would do； Julia thought； and she was in search of him when she met me at the railway station。 I was not her man。 She told me as much； without a word； when she took the cigarette from my lips。
All this I learned about Julia； bit by bit； as one does learn the former … as it seems at the time； the preparatory … life of a woman one loves； so that one thinks of oneself as having been part of it； directing it by devious ways； towards oneself。
Julia left Sebastian and me at Brideshead and went to stay with an aunt； Lady Rossmon； in her villa at Cap Ferrat。 All the way she pondered her problem。 She had given a name to her widower…diplomat； she called him 〃Eustace〃； and from that moment he became a figure of fun to her； a little interior； inmunicable joke； so that when at last such a man did cross her path … though he was not a diplomat but a wistful major in the Life Guards … and fall in love with her and offer her just those gifts she had chosen； she sent him away moodier and more wistful than ever； for by that time she had met Rex Mottram。
Rex's age was greatly in his favour； for among Julia's friends there was a kind of gerontophilic snobbery； young men were held to be gauche and pimply； it was thought very much more chic to be seen lunching alone at the Ritz … a thing； in any case； allowed to few girls of that day； to the tiny circle of Julia's intimates； a thing looked at askance by the elders who kept the score； chatting pleasantly against the walls of the ballrooms … at the table on the left as you came in； with a starched and wrinkled old rou？whom your mother had be warned of as a girl； than than in the centre of the room with a party of exuberant young bloods。 Rex； indeed； was neither starched nor wrinkled； his seniors thought him a pushful young cad； but Julia recognized the unmistakable chic … the flavour of 'Max' and 'F。 E。' and the Prince of Wales； of the big table in the Sporting Club； the second magnum； and the fourth cigar； of the chauffeur kept waiting hour after hour without punction … which her friends would envy。 His social position was unique； it had an air of mystery； even of crime； about it； people said Rex went about armed。 Julia and her friends had a fascinated abhorrence of what