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'Does it make much difference to you？'
'Of course。 All the time。'
'Well； I can't say I've noticed it。 Are you struggling against temptation？ You don't seem much more virtuous than me。'
'I'm very； very much wickeder；' said Sebastian indignantly。
'Well then？'
'Who was it used to pray； 〃O God； make me good； but not yet〃？'
'I don't know。 You； I should think。'
'Why； yes； I do； every day。 But it isn't that。' He turned back to the pages of the News of the World and said； 'Another naughty scout…master。'
'I suppose they try and make you believe an awful lot of nonsense？'
'Is it nonsense？ I wish it were。 It sometimes sounds terribly sensible to me。'
'But my dear Sebastian； you can't seriously believe it all。'
'Can't I？'
'I mean about Christmas and the star and the three kings and the ox and the ass。'
'Oh yes； I believe that。 It's a lovely idea。'
'But you can't believe things because they're a lovely idea。'
'But I do。 That's how I believe。'
'And in prayers？ Do you think you can kneel down in front of a statue and say a few words； not even out loud； just in your mind； and change the weather； or that some saints are more influential than others； and you must get hold of the right one to help you on the right problem？'
'Oh yes。 Don't you remember last term when I took Aloysius and left him behind I didn't know where。 I prayed like mad to St Anthony of Padua that morning； and immediately after lunch there was Mr Nichols at Canterbury Gate with Aloysius in his arms； saying I'd left him in his cab。'
'Well；' I said； 'if you can believe all that and you don't want to be good； where's the difficulty about your religion？'
'If you can't see； you can't。'
'Well； where？'
'Oh； don't be a bore； Charles。 I want to read about a woman in Hull who's been using an instrument。'
'You started the subject。 I was just getting interested。'
'I'll never mention it again。。。thirty…eight other cases were taken into consideration in sentencing her to six months … golly！' But he did mention it again； some ten days later； as we were lying on the roof of the house； sunbathing and watching through a telescope the Agricultural Show which was in progress in the park below us。 It was a modest two…day show serving the neighbouring parishes； and surviving more as a fair and social gathering than as a centre of serious petition。 A ring was marked out in flags； and round it had been pitched half a dozen tents of varying size； there was a judges' box and some pens for livestock； the largest marquee was for refreshments； and there the farmers congregated in numbers。 Preparations had been going on for a week。 'We shall have to hide；' said Sebastian as the day approached。 'My brother will be here。 He's a big part of the Agricultural Show。' So we lay on the roof under the balustrade。
Brideshead came down by train in the morning and lunched with Colonel Fender； the agent。 I met him for five minutes on his arrival。 Anthony Blanche's description was peculiarly apt； he had the Flyte face； carved by an Aztec。 We could see him now； through the telescope； moving awkwardly among the tenants； stopping to greet the judges in their box； leaning over a pen gazing seriously at the cattle。
'Queer fellow； my brother；' said Sebastian。
'He looks normal enough。'
'Oh； but he's not。 If you only knew； he's much the craziest of us； only it doesn't e out at all。 He's all twisted inside。 He wanted to be a priest； you know。'
'I didn't。'
'I think he still does。 He nearly became a Jesuit； straight from Stonyhurst。 It was awful for mummy。 She couldn't exactly try and stop him； but of course it was the last thing she wanted。 Think what people would have said … the eldest son； it's not as if it had been me。 And poor papa。 The Church has been enough trouble to him without that happening。 There was a frightful to do … monks and monsignori running round the house like mice； and Brideshead just sitting glum and talking about the will of God。 He was the most upset； you see； when papa went abroad … much more than mummy really。 Finally they persuaded him to go to Oxford and think it over for three years。 Now he's trying to make up his mind。 He talks of going into the Guards and into the House of mons and of marrying。 He doesn't know what he wants。 I wonder if I should have been like that； if I'd gone to Stonyhurst。 I should have gone； only papa went abroad before I was old enough； and the first thing he insisted on was my going to Eton。
'Has your father given up religion？'
'Well； he's had to in a way； he only took to it when he married mummy。 When he went off； he left that behind with the rest of us。 You must meet him。 He's a very nice man。'
Sebastian had never spoken seriously of his father before。
I said： 'It must have upset you all when your father went a way。'
'All but Cordelia。 She was too young。 It upset me at the time。 Mummy tried to explain it to the three eldest of us so that we wouldn't hate papa。 I was the only one who didn't。 I believe she wishes I did。 I was always his favourite。 I should be staying with him now； if it wasn't for this foot。 I'm the only one who goes。 Why don't you e too？ You'd like him。'
A man with a megaphone was shouting the results of the last event in the field below； his voice came faintly to us。
'So you see we're a mixed family religiously。 Brideshead and Cordelia are both fervent； Catholics； he's miserable； she's bird…happy； Julia and I are half…heathen； I am happy； I rather think Julia isn't； mummy is popularly believed to be a saint and papa is exmunicated … and I wouldn't know which of them was happy。 Anyway； however you look at it； happiness doesn't seem to have much to do with it； and that's all I want I wish I liked Catholics more。'
'They seem just like other people。'
'My dear Charles； that's exactly what they're not particularly in this country； where they're so few。 It's not just that they're a clique … as a matter of fact； they're at least four cliques all blackguarding each other half the time … but they've got an entirely different outlook on life； everything they think important is d