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I went out to the privy to do my business … this was at least three years before we put in our first water…closet … and had gotten no further than the woodpile at the er of the house when I realized I couldn't hold it any longer。 I lowered my pajama pants just as the urine started to flow； and that flow was acpanied by the most excruciating。 pain of my entire life。 I passed a gall…stone in 1956； and I know people say that is the worst； but that gall…stone was like a touch of acid indigestion pared to this outrage。
My knees came unhinged and I fell heavily onto them； tearing out the seat of my pajama pants when I spread my legs to keep from losing my balance and going face…first into a puddle of my own piss。 I still might have gone over if I hadn't grabbed one of the woodpile logs with my left hand。 All that； though； could have been going on in Australia； or even on another pla。 All I was concerned with was the pain that had set me on fire； my lower belly was burning； and my penis … an organ which had gone mostly forgotten by me except when providing me the most intense physical pleasure a man can experience … now felt as if it were melting； I expected to look down and see blood gushing from its tip； but it appeared to be a perfectly ordinary stream of urine。
I hung onto the woodpile with one hand and put the other across my mouth； concentrating on keeping my mouth shut。 I did not want to frighten my wife awake with a scream。 It seemed that I went on pissing forever； but at last the stream dried up。 By then the pain had sunk deep into my stomach and my testicles； biting like rusty teeth。 For a long while … it might have been as long as a minute … I was physically incapable of getting up。 At last the pain began to abate； and I struggled to my feet。 I looked at my urine； already soaking into the ground； and wondered if any sane God could make a world where such a little bit of dampness could e at the cost of such horrendous pain。
I would call in sick； I thought； and go see Dr。 Sadler after all。 I didn't want the stink and the queasiness of Dr。 Sadler's sulfa tablets； but anything would be better than kneeling beside the woodpile； trying not to scream while my prick was reporting that it had apparently been doused with coal…oil and set afire。
Then； as I was swallowing aspirin in our kitchen and listening to Jan snore lightly in the other room； I remembered that today was the day William Wharton was scheduled on the block； and that Brutal wouldn't be there … the roster had him over on the other side of the prison； helping to move the rest of the library and some leftover infirmary equipment to the new building。 One thing I didn't feel right about in spite of my pain was leaving Wharton to Dean and Harry。 They were good men； but Curtis Anderson's report had suggested that William Wharton was exceptionally bad news。 This man just doesn't care； he had written； underlining for emphasis。
By then the pain had abated some； and I could think。 The best idea； it seemed to me； was to leave for the prison early。 I could get there at six； which was the time Warden Moores usually came in。 He could get Brutus Howell reassigned to E Block long enough for Wharton's reception； and I'd make my long…overdue trip to the doctor。 Cold Mountain was actually on my way。
Twice on the twenty…mile ride to the Penitentiary that sudden need to urinate overcame me。 Both times I was able to pull over and take care of the problem without embarrassing myself （for one thing； traffic on country roads at such an hour was all but nonexistent）。 Neither of these two voidings was as painful as the one that had taken me off my feet on the way to the privy； but both times I had to clutch the passenger…side doorhandle of my little Ford coupe to hold myself up； and I could feel sweat running down my hot face。 I was sick； all right； good and sick。
I made it； though； drove in through the south gate； parked in my usual place； and went right up to see the warden。 It was going on six o'clock by then。 Miss Hannah's office was empty … she wouldn't be in until the relatively civilized hour of seven … but the light was on in Moores's office； I could see it through the pebbled glass。 I gave a perfunctory knock and opened the door。 Moores looked up； startled to see anyone at that unusual hour； and I would have given a great deal not to have been the one to see him in that condition； with his face naked and unguarded。 His white hair； usually so neatly bed； was sticking up in tufts and tangles； his hands were in it； yanking and pulling； when I walked in。 His eyes were raw； the skin beneath them puffy and swollen。 His palsy was the worst I had ever seen it； he looked like a man who had just e inside after a long walk on a terribly cold night。
〃Hal； I'm sorry； I'll e back！〃 I began。
〃No；〃 he said。 〃Please； Paul。 e in。 Shut the door and e in。 I need someone now； if I ever needed anyone in my whole life。 Shut the door and e in。〃
I did as he asked； forgetting my own pain for the first time since I'd awakened that morning。
〃It's a brain tumor；〃 Moores said。 〃They got X…ray pictures of it。 They seemed real pleased with their pictures； actually。 One of them said they may be the best ones anyone's ever gotten； at least so far； said they're going to publish them in some biggety medical journal up in New England。 It's the size of a lemon； they said； and way down deep inside； where they can't operate。 They say she'll be dead by Christmas。 I haven't told her。 I can't think how。 I can't think how for the life of me。〃
Then he began to cry； big； gasping sobs that filled me with both pity and a kind of terror … when a man who keeps himself as tightly guarded as Hal Moores finally does lose control； it's frightening to watch。 I stood there for a moment； then went to him and put my arm around his shoulders。 He groped out for me with both of his own arms； like a drowning man； and began to sob against my stomach； all restraint washed away。 Later； after he got himself under control； he apologized。 He did it y eyes； as a man does when he feels he has embarrassed himself dreadfully； maybe so deeply that he can never quite live it down。 A man can end up hating the fellow who ha