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四季随笔-the private papers of henry ryecroft(英文版)-第2章

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ticence; as was natural in a sensitive man who had suffered much; he inclined to gentle acquiescence; shrank from argument; from self…assertion。 Here he spoke to me without restraint; and; when I had read it all through; I knew the man better than before。
Assuredly; this writing was not intended for the public; and yet; in many a passage; I seemed to perceive the literary purpose……something more than the turn of phrase; and so on; which results from long habit of position。 Certain of his reminiscences; in particular; Ryecroft could hardly have troubled to write down had he not; however vaguely; entertained the thought of putting them to some use。 I suspect that; in his happy leisure; there grew upon him a desire to write one more book; a book which should be written merely for his own satisfaction。 Plainly; it would have been the best he had it in him to do。 But he seems never to have attempted the arrangement of these fragmentary pieces; and probably because he could not decide upon the form they should take。 I imagine him shrinking from the thought of a first…person volume; he would feel it too pretentious; he would bid himself wait for the day of riper wisdom。 And so the pen fell from his hand。
Conjecturing thus; I wondered whether the irregular diary might not have wider interest than at first appeared。 To me; its personal appeal was very strong; might it not be possible to cull from it the substance of a small volume which; at least for its sincerity's sake; would not be without value for those who read; not with the eye alone; but with the mind? I turned the pages again。 Here was a man who; having his desire; and that a very modest one; not only felt satisfied; but enjoyed great happiness。 He talked of many different things; saying exactly what he thought; he spoke of himself; and told the truth as far as mortal can tell it。 It seemed to me that the thing had human interest。 I decided to print。
The question of arrangement had to be considered; I did not like to offer a mere incondite miscellany。 To supply each of the disconnected passages with a title; or even to group them under subject headings; would have interfered with the spontaneity which; above all; I wished to preserve。 In reading through the matter I had selected; it struck me how often the aspects of nature were referred to; and how suitable many of the reflections were to the month with which they were dated。 Ryecroft; I knew; had ever been much influenced by the mood of the sky; and by the procession of the year。 So I hit upon the thought of dividing the little book into four chapters; named after the seasons。 Like all classifications; it is imperfect; but 'twill serve。
G。 G。

SPRING 

I 
For more than a week my pen has lain untouched。 I have written nothing for seven whole days; not even a letter。 Except during one or two bouts of illness; such a thing never happened in my life before。 In my life; the life; that is; which had to be supported by anxious toil; the life which was not lived for living's sake; as all life should be; but under the goad of fear。 The earning of money should be a means to an end; for more than thirty years……I began to support myself at sixteen……I had to regard it as the end itself。
I could imagine that my old penholder feels reproachfully towards me。 Has it not served me well? Why do I; in my happiness; let it lie there neglected; gathering dust? The same penholder that has lain against my forefinger day after day; for……how many years? Twenty; at least; I remember buying it at a shop in Tottenham Court Road。 By the same token I bought that day a paper…weight; which cost me a whole shilling……an extravagance which made me tremble。 The penholder shone with its new varnish; now it is plain brown wood from end to end。 On my forefinger it has made a callosity。
Old panion; yet old enemy! How many a time have I taken it up; loathing the necessity; heavy in head and heart; my hand shaking; my eyes sick…dazzled! How I dreaded the white page I had to foul with ink! Above all; on days such as this; when the blue eyes of Spring laughed from between rosy clouds; when the sunlight shimmered upon my table and made me long; long all but to madness; for the scent of the flowering earth; for the green of hillside larches; for the singing of the skylark above the downs。 There was a time……it seems further away than childhood……when I took up my pen with eagerness; if my hand trembled it was with hope。 But a hope that fooled me; for never a page of my writing deserved to live。 I can say that now without bitterness。 It was youthful error; and only the force of circumstance prolonged it。 The world has done me no injustice; thank Heaven I have grown wise enough not to rail at it for this! And why should any man who writes; even if he write things immortal; nurse anger at the world's neglect? Who asked him to publish? Who promised him a hearing? Who has broken faith with him? If my shoemaker turn me out an excellent pair of boots; and I; in some mood of cantankerous unreason; throw them back upon his hands; the man has just cause of plaint。 But your poem; your novel; who bargained with you for it? If it is honest journeywork; yet lacks purchasers; at most you may call yourself a hapless tradesman。 If it e from on high; with what decency do you fret and fume because it is not paid for in heavy cash? For the work of man's mind there is one test; and one alone; the judgment of generations yet unborn。 If you have written a great book; the world to e will know of it。 But you don't care for posthumous glory。 You want to enjoy fame in a fortable armchair。 Ah; that is quite another thing。 Have the courage of your desire。 Admit yourself a merchant; and protest to gods and men that the merchandise you offer is of better quality than much which sells for a high price。 You may be right; and indeed it is hard upon you that Fashion does not turn to your stall。
II
The exquisite quiet of this room! I have been sitting in utter idleness; watching the sky; viewing the shape of golden sunlight upon the carpet; which changes as the minutes pass; letting my eye wander from one framed print to another; and along the ranks of my beloved books。 Within the house nothing 
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