按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
by my side as before； but there were no loving eyes looking at me as I
mounted； no glad arms opened to me when I came back。 Perhaps I
missed my mother's love more than most children of seven or eight would
have done； to whom the other pleasures of life remained as before； for I
was certainly a very sensitive child。 I remember still the mingled
trepidation and delicious excitement with which I was affected by the
tramping of the horses on the pavement in the echoing stables； by the loud
resonance of the groom's voices； by the booming bark of the dogs as my
father's carriage thundered under the archway of the courtyard； by the din
of the gong as it gave notice of luncheon and dinner。 The measured tramp
of soldiery which I sometimes heardfor my father's house lay near a
county town where there were large barracksmade me sob and tremble；
and yet when they were gone past； I longed for them to e back again。
I fancy my father thought me an odd child； and had little fondness for
me； though he was very careful in fulfilling what he regarded as a parent's
duties。 But he was already past the middle of life； and I was not his only
son。 My mother had been his second wife； and he was five…and…forty
when he married her。 He was a firm； unbending； intensely orderly man；
in root and stem a banker； but with a flourishing graft of the active
landholder； aspiring to county influence： one of those people who are
always like themselves from day to day； who are uninfluenced by the
weather； and neither know melancholy nor high spirits。 I held him in
great awe； and appeared more timid and sensitive in his presence than at
other times； a circumstance which； perhaps； helped to confirm him in the
intention to educate me on a different plan from the prescriptive one with
which he had plied in the case of my elder brother； already a tall youth
at Eton。 My brother was to be his representative and successor； he must
go to Eton and Oxford； for the sake of making connexions； of course：
my father was not a man to underrate the bearing of Latin satirists or
Greek dramatists on the attainment of an aristocratic position。 But；
intrinsically； he had slight esteem for 〃those dead but sceptred spirits〃；
having qualified himself for forming an independent opinion by reading
Potter's AEschylus； and dipping into Francis's Horace。 To this negative
view he added a positive one； derived from a recent connexion with
mining speculations； namely； that a scientific education was the really
useful training for a younger son。 Moreover； it was clear that a shy；
sensitive boy like me was not fit to encounter the rough experience of a
public school。 Mr。 Letherall had said so very decidedly。 Mr。 Letherall
was a large man in spectacles； who one day took my small head between
his large hands； and pressed it here and there in an exploratory； auspicious
mannerthen placed each of his great thumbs on my temples； and pushed
me a little way from him； and stared at me with glittering spectacles。 The
contemplation appeared to displease him； for he frowned sternly； and said
to my father； drawing his thumbs across my eyebrows …
〃The deficiency is there； sirthere； and here；〃 he added； touching the
upper sides of my head； 〃here is the excess。 That must be brought out； sir；
and this must be laid to sleep。〃
I was in a state of tremor； partly at the vague idea that I was the object
of reprobation； partly in the agitation of my first hatred hatred of this big；
spectacled man； who pulled my head about as if he wanted to buy and
cheapen it。
I am not aware how much Mr。 Letherall had to do with the system
afterwards adopted towards me； but it was presently clear that private
tutors； natural history； science； and the modern languages； were the
appliances by which the defects of my organization were to be remedied。
I was very stupid about machines； so I was to be greatly occupied with
them； I had no memory for classification； so it was particularly necessary
that I should study systematic zoology and botany； I was hungry for
human deeds and humane motions； so I was to be plentifully crammed
with the mechanical powers； the elementary bodies； and the phenomena of
electricity and magnetism。 A better…constituted boy would certainly have
profited under my intelligent tutors； with their scientific apparatus； and
would； doubtless； have found the phenomena of electricity and magnetism
as fascinating as I was； every Thursday； assured they were。 As it was； I
could have paired off； for ignorance of whatever was taught me； with the
worst Latin scholar that was ever turned out of a classical academy。 I
read Plutarch； and Shakespeare； and Don Quixote by the sly； and supplied
myself in that way with wandering thoughts； while my tutor was assuring
me that 〃an improved man； as distinguished from an ignorant one； was a
man who knew the reason why water ran downhill。〃 I had no desire to
be this improved man； I was glad of the running water； I could watch it
and listen to it gurgling among the pebbles； and bathing the bright green
water…plants； by the hour together。 I did not want to know WHY it ran； I
had perfect confidence that there were good reasons for what was so very
beautiful。
There is no need to dwell on this part of my life。 I have said enough
to indic