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to conceive the fact that sensibilities were anything else than weaknesses。
She had thought my weaknesses would put me in her power； and she
found them unmanageable forces。 Our positions were reversed。 Before
marriage she had pletely mastered my imagination； for she was a
secret to me； and I created the unknown thought before which I trembled
as if it were hers。 But now that her soul was laid open to me； now that I
was pelled to share the privacy of her motives； to follow all the petty
devices that preceded her words and acts； she found herself powerless with
me； except to produce in me the chill shudder of repulsionpowerless；
because I could be acted on by no lever within her reach。 I was dead to
worldly ambitions； to social vanities； to all the incentives within the
pass of her narrow imagination； and I lived under influences utterly
invisible to her。
She was really pitiable to have such a husband； and so all the world
thought。 A graceful； brilliant woman； like Bertha； who smiled on
morning callers； made a figure in ball…rooms； and was capable of that light
repartee which； from such a woman； is accepted as wit； was secure of
carrying off all sympathy from a husband who was sickly； abstracted； and；
as some suspected； crack… brained。 Even the servants in our house gave
her the balance of their regard and pity。 For there were no audible
quarrels between us； our alienation； our repulsion from each other； lay
within the silence of our own hearts； and if the mistress went out a great
deal； and seemed to dislike the master's society； was it not natural； poor
thing？ The master was odd。 I was kind and just to my dependants； but I
excited in them a shrinking； half…contemptuous pity； for this class of men
and women are but slightly determined in their estimate of others by
general considerations； or even experience； of character。 They judge of
persons as they judge of coins； and value those who pass current at a high
rate。
After a time I interfered so little with Bertha's habits that it might seem
wonderful how her hatred towards me could grow so intense and active as
it did。 But she had begun to suspect； by some involuntary betrayal of
mine； that there was an abnormal power of penetration in methat fitfully；
at least； I was strangely cognizant of her thoughts and intentions； and she
began to be haunted by a terror of me； which alternated every now and
then with defiance。 She meditated continually how the incubus could be
shaken off her lifehow she could be freed from this hateful bond to a
being whom she at once despised as an imbecile； and dreaded as an
inquisitor。 For a long while she lived in the hope that my evident
wretchedness would drive me to the mission of suicide； but suicide
was not in my nature。 I was too pletely swayed by the sense that I
was in the grasp of unknown forces； to believe in my power of self…release。
Towards my own destiny I had bee entirely passive； for my one ardent
desire had spent itself； and impulse no longer predominated over
knowledge。 For this reason I never thought of taking any steps towards a
plete separation； which would have made our alienation evident to the
world。 Why should I rush for help to a new course； when I was only
suffering from the consequences of a deed which had been the act of my
intensest will？ That would have been the logic of one who had desires to
gratify； and I had no desires。 But Bertha and I lived more and more aloof
from each other。 The rich find it easy to live married and apart。
That course of our life which I have indicated in a few sentences filled
the space of years。 So much miseryso slow and hideous a growth of
hatred and sin； may be pressed into a sentence！ And men judge of
each other's lives through this summary medium。 They epitomize the
experience of their fellow…mortal； and pronounce judgment on him in neat
syntax； and feel themselves wise and virtuousconquerors over the
temptations they define in well… selected predicates。 Seven years of
wretchedness glide glibly over the lips of the man who has never counted
them out in moments of chill disappointment； of head and heart throbbings；
of dread and vain wrestling； of remorse and despair。 We learn WORDS
by rote； but not their meaning； THAT must be paid for with our life…blood；
and printed in the subtle fibres of our nerves。
But I will hasten to finish my story。 Brevity is justified at once to
those who readily understand； and to those who will never understand。
Some years after my father's death； I was sitting by the dim firelight in
my library one January eveningsitting in the leather chair that used to be
my father'swhen Bertha appeared at the door； with a candle in her hand；
and advanced towards me。 I knew the ball…dress she had onthe white
ball…dress； with the green jewels； shone upon by the light of the wax
candle which lit up the medallion of the dying Cleopatra on the
mantelpiece。 Why did she e to me before going out？ I had not seen
her in the library； which was my habitual place for months。 Why did she
stand before me with the candle in her hand； with her cruel contemptuous
eyes fixed on me； and the glittering serpent； like a familiar demon； on her
breast？ For a moment I thought this fulfilment of my vision at